The Holiday Season

Like most kids, I loved the holidays. All of them. I remember Christmas Eve being my favorite, because it meant that all of my extended family on my father's (American) side got together. Back then that meant playing with my cousins, first and beyond, along with aunts, uncles, grandparents, great grandparents, etc. Sure, I loved presents, but I really loved the get-togethers. I was young and naive to any family drama or awkwardness that might be present and ignorance was bliss.

Eventually I got older and in my late teens I decided that I hated the holidays. Ba humbug. The only enjoyable part was giving my family presents and watching Christmas movies with my sister. I decided that Thanksgiving and Christmas were just a load of bull shit. A big commercial scam. I didn't look forward to the family gatherings and even started bringing reading material with me.

Now I can look back on my holiday hostility and see what the real root was. Of course it's ridiculous from a commercial standpoint, but who really cares? It's not like anyone is trying to hide the fact. The real problem was that the family community part of the holidays that I cherished began to fall apart. Estrangements had crept up in so many corners that piece by piece, parts of the map drifted off to create their own islands. Over time, so many pieces floated away that my family and I, rooted firmly on the main land, found that the size of our gatherings weren't much more than an island either.

Then, of course, came our own form of estrangement. During the years of my parents' separation the holidays couldn't have been more awkward. My mother already didn't like my father's family so she wasn't about to celebrate the holidays with them if she wasn't bound to. They didn't like her either and without her there they didn't feel the need to censor their hostility. My mother, not being from this country, had no family of her own to visit on these occasions and spent holidays with close friends, instead. This left my sister and I in an odd sort of place. Whatever that place was, it wasn't festive.

Holidays work like a magnifier. If you have a happy, loving family, it's the time when you all get together and celebrate that love and happiness. You laugh, you share, maybe you even sing. If your family is unhappy or in the midst of falling apart, the holidays exist to remind you of what you don't have. They cause you to have to make decisions you never wanted to make, like how to split up your time between those you love. And trust me, there is never a way to split up your time that will satisfy both parties.

The last few years, I have been lucky in that I find myself looking forward to the holidays. The parents are back together, but it's not just that. The extended family is more spread out and divided than ever before, but while I would love for them all to gather together for the holidays again, it's no longer essential to my holiday cheer. I won't be with my sister this season, which does leave a very large void, but even this will not ruin my holiday.

I don't want to say anything cheesy, like, "it's all about celebrating the things in life that you do have," but I will say that once you stop defining what holidays are supposed to be and stop trying to determine beforehand what will or will not make you happy, it's surprising what an enjoyable experience anticipating the holidays can be.