Work

I've never had a problem with work. In fact, I usually enjoy it. I like the satisfaction of a "job well done." I've also felt that I've been gifted with a strong work ethic. I like work. I don't like my job.

Sometimes I find myself considering quitting my job and becoming a construction worker or an oil changer. Anything that involves a clear-cut job to be done. I find myself longing for a project, for someone to say, "here, do this, do it right, and then tell me when you're done." I've spent years working myself up through higher and higher positions in my company. These days I find myself longing to start at the bottom again. I would last five minutes in construction. I'm sure it wouldn't take long before I'd pour oil into someone's coolant tank. But I would be moving, I'd be using my hands, I'd be creating things or fixing things - concrete things, not "processes" or "procedures."

Growing up I worked a variety of jobs. I've washed dishes and windows, shelved books and movies, served meals and cocktails. I did each of these jobs with confidence. I learned what needed to be done and I did it. There was a right and wrong way. What had to be done was obvious. Washing dishes, you just have to make sure they're clean. Working cash registers, you give out the correct change, filing movies and books is done in alphabetical order. At the end of the day, you close up shop. The customers go home. You clock out. Your day is done.

After college I entered the world of working on your butt. By that I mean doing work while sitting down. No more running around. Communication is done through email. You are neither seen nor heard, but read. It started out perfectly. Orders came through and I did them. I did them right and I did them fast. I edited. And I became the top editor in the company before long. I liked it. I got up in the morning and went to my job, knowing what I had to do and knowing how to do it right.

Eventually I moved to management. Also not bad. The whole idea of clocking out disappeared, along with over time, of course. But I like leading. My employees liked me, those above me appreciated my determination to get things done - done right and done fast. Their appreciation led to my promotion, and now, here I am. I'm no longer an editor processing orders, and I'm no longer a manager making sure the orders get processed. Now, I manage managers. I sit here at my computer all day. I answer questions. I ask questions. I find myself with hours of free time and drawn out deadlines. Work moves at a slower pace, and as a result, so does time. I'm restless. I'm bored. I'm working towards miserable here.

I'm making more money and doing less work. I have no right to complain, I really don't. I have it easy compared to a lot of jobs out there. Of course, these days, I have a lot more accountability, I take a lot more shit from those above me and my boss can, and does, call me whenever he needs to, no matter what day or time, but my job has only gotten less stressful I as work myself up the ladder. Yet, at the same time, my dislike for my job seems to increase at the same rate. In the end, it's not my dislike for corporate politics or "the man" that has me itching to get out, but my desire to sit down and do work. To go to a job, work, and then clock out and close up shop for the day. No more bull shit, no more pissing contests, no more drawn out conversations about goals and processes and numbers. Just give me a job where I work. Where I start something and I finish it and I know I'm doing it right.

The catch? The harder you work, the less they pay you.